Tok 3 Tok 4

Monday, August 28, 2006

Education Post: Why 2 Ghost Months ?

After the few ghost posts, many peeples think Lin Peh is some ghost specialist and want Lin Peh to tell why this year got 2 ghost months. Initially Lin Peh no plan to Diu them but this Chibye Angel promise an offer which is IRRESISTABLE ! So, for once, Lin Peh will be posting the MOST EDUCATIONAL post ever here !

To understand how we got 2 ghost months, we all have to understand the basic of Chinese Calender first.

Chinese calender actually combines the lunar and solar systems together. The Year and Day cycles use the solar system whereas the month use the lunar system!

Since the lunar system is based on the circulation of moon around the earth, each month will be about 29.53 days. Thats why chinese calender months are rounded to 29 or 30 days wan. No such thing as 31 days or 28 days!

Based on the solar calender punya 365.2425 days per year, that means each solar year will have 12.3685 lunar months (No belive u can take out your calculator and divide 365.2425 with 29.53 see you get what number)! 12.3685 is about 12 and 7/19 that's why in order for the moon cycle to harmonize with the sun cycle, they will be seven leap months (extra months) in 19 years! Now you know leh ?

Following or not ? If not, read again from beginning; if can follow, please continue reading ;-)

To determine if a year is a leap year, calculate the number of new moons between the the Winter Solstice also known as Tong Jit @ December 22 of one year and the Winter Solstice of the following year. If there are 13 new moons between these 2 dates, a leap month must be inserted!

The question now is which month is the extra month ? If you ask the expert, they will explain to you that it's because of the sun longtitudes and the 30 degrees for each month and 360 degress for each year and make you blurr blurr until you want to fuck kao them !

But Lin Peh will give you the short cut here ! Very easy one, just look at the Engrish HorrorScope table as follows first:

And then, take out the list of the 13 months for the year. In this case, the current year 13 months are as follows:

Month No.1 = 29 January to 27 February (Note: Pieces starts on 19/2)
Month No.2 = 28 February to 28 March (Note: Aries starts on 21/3)
Month No.3 = 29 March to 27 April (Note: Taurus starts on 20/4)
Month No.4 = 28 April to 26 May (Note: Gemini starts on 21/5)
Month No.5 = 27 May to 25 June (Note: Cancer starts on 21/6)
Month No.6 = 26 June to 24 July (Note: Leo starts on 23/7)
Month No.7 = 25 July to 23 August (Note: Virgo starts on 23/8)
Month No.8 = 24 August to 21 September (Note: No HorrorScope Start here wor!)
Month No.9 = 22 September to 21 October (Note: Libra starts on 23/9)
Month No.10 = 22 October to 20 November (Note: Scorpio starts on 23/10)
Month No.11 = 21 November to 19 December (Note: Sagittarius starts on 22/11)
Month No.12 = 20 December to 18 January (Note: Capricon starts on 22/12)
Month No.13 = 19 January to 17 February (Note: Aquarius starts on 20/1)

Please note that NO Engrish HorrorScope Start during the Month No. 8 of this year Chinese Calender. That means BINGO ie the month No. 8 is the Leap Month! And the rule is to name this leap month the same as previous month. And this year, ngam ngam the leap month is Month No.7 and therefore we kena 2 ghost months lor !

Anyway, for your reference, Lin Peh also calculated the next cycle of leap months (7 leap months in the next 19 years) as follows:

2009-7th month again !
2012-4th month
2014-9th month
2017-6th month
2020-6th month
2023-6th month
2025-6th month

OK. Dats all ! So, Chibye Angel!!!! Where is the kopi-O kurang manis and the Yao-Char-Kuai you promise????

Sunday, August 20, 2006

New Scam in Town !

This is a Lin Peh Pubic Service Announcement!

For those of you who has nen-nen (Wingz included), please be aware of the new scam in town. It works liddis:

This guy has been spotted going around town hunting for his victims. When he identify you as his victim, he will aprroach you and ask whether he can suck your nen-nen for 100 ringgit. If you rejek it, he will keep increasing his offer to 1,000 rinngits, 10,000 ringgits or sometimes even up to 1,000,000,000 ringgits until you can't resist it !

When you finaally accept the offer, he will start stripping you, caress your nen-nen, fondle them, rub his kkc against them but whatever he doed, he will not kiss them! Finally you will be so annoyed and asks him "When are you gonna kiss them and setlle the deal?" he will reply "Nah, too expensive la !"

So far, not much info is known about him except that he look liddis wan:

If you have spotted anyone suspicious, please contact his victim, Wingz, for verification.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Beware ! Beware ! Beware !

Peeples ! Especially ladies, please be aware that nowhere is safe now ! The worls is so fucking screwed up that you have to be careful at all time!

When travelling on plane:
Beware of peeples with big nen-nen because she may be carrying explosive liquid!

When travelling on bus:
Beware of the lanjiao driver who may be a fucking drunken or druggist !

When driving:
Beware of peeples who create fake accident !

When walking:
Beware of those humkapchan (whole family die) snatch thief!

When at home:
Beware of this Cocka Chicken Ghost who may be hiding at your place without your notice ! It is so "invisible" that peeple with ordinary eyesight can't even notice the existence of it ! No Belif ? Here's the photo !

Sunday, August 13, 2006

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Wednesday, August 09, 2006

How to Protect Yourself Against the Hotel Ghosts

Lin Peh sure you have heard many stories about peeples "chong kuai" (meet the ghost) while staying in hotel. Since many of the readers here are humsap fuckers/fuckees who always go hotel for yamade activities, Lin Peh has compiled a guide on How to Protect Yourself Against the Hotel Ghosts.

How to Protect Yourself Against the Hotel Ghosts

1. Always Book in Advance
Just like what Sasha commented at Lin Peh's earlier post, every hotel has at least a permanent room which should be left vacant at all times no matter how full the hotel is! These rooms are not suppose to be rented out to the guest because these special rooms were "reserved" for the Hotel Ghosts. So, by booking in advance, you will be assured of a normal room.

In the event that you do a last minute walk in for a room and the receptionist told you there's no more room available, DO NOT insist for one or try to bribe them to give you a room. If you do that, most of the time you will be given that "special room".

2. Knock on the Door Before Entering
Lin Peh sure you notice that the Bell Boy who help you carry your luggage to the room always knock at the door or press the "ting tong" before opening the door even tho he knows that the room is vacant. It is actually to alert the Hotel Ghosts to go back to their own "reserved room". So, if you prefer to carry your own bags or piaomei into the room, always remember to do the same.

3. Request to Change Room if You feel "Cold"
If you feel "very cold" suddenly and/or have goose bumps, you can confirm that the room is being "occupied" by the Hotel Ghosts. Please leave the room immediately and go to reception to request to change room. No question will be asked as the hotel receptionists are trained to understand what's happening.

4. Brighthen the Room
After entering the room, immediately switch on all of the lights, and open the curtain to let the sunlight in. This will chase away any of the Hotel Ghost who may have followed you into the room.

5. Arrange Your Shoes Upside Down
Before you go to bed, arrange your shoes so that one of them is upside down. This represent Yin & Yang and it's to protect you while you're asleep. This is especially effetive against the Chinese Hotel Ghost.

6. Do Not Leave Any Bed Vacant
If you're staying alone and they have given you a twin bed, do not sleep with the other bed vacant, try to put your things like luggage, underwear, used condom or whatever on the other bed before you sleep. You may also want to consider sending your piaomei to sleep at the other bed after you finish yamade her ;-)

7. Look at the "condition" of the Bible
Most hotel place the Bible inside a drawer. However, if upon entering, you see the Bible on the table, DON'T STAY IN THAT ROOM! It means the Hotel Ghosts are there!

If you see the Bible opened up on the table, LEAVE THAT ROOM IMMEDIATELY and request a change of room! It means the Hotel Ghosts is really creating trouble in that room!!!!!!!

8. Check All Corners of the Room for Dust
Upon entering the room, always check all corners of the room for dust. If the corners are very clean and totally free of dust it means the Hotel Ghosts are staying there because corners are hard to reach, and shouldn't be very clean.

Lin Peh hope you find the above guide useful. If so, please print out a copy and always carry it with you for your safe yamade activities :-)

Monday, August 07, 2006

What if you see Ghost ?

The first thing you should do when you see ghost is to confirm that you are seeing ghost ! So, to make it easier for you, Lin Peh has compile a list of samples from the Internatioanl ghost catalog for your reference:

Chinese Ghost

Malay Ghost

Engrish Ghost

Other Miscellaneous Ghosts

However, please do not mistaken the following as ghost because they are NOT ghost ! As a matter of fact, they are all alive and kicking:

Non Ghosts

After confirmed that you are seeing ghost, please do NOT do the following:

1. Do NOT run
Just like when you see a dog liddat; if you run, you will be chased. The worst part is you will probably used up all the energy while you were running and left with nothing to fight with the ghost when you kena caught by it. So, you have to "pretend" you are damn cool liddat.

2. Do NOT close your eyes
The moment you close your eyes, you are just waiting to die. Have to open eyes big big so that you can study the ghost movement and plan for your next move. Also, in case the ghost give you a chun chun 4-digit lucky number, you want to make sure you can see it clearly!

3. Do NOT hide behind your friend
Remember ! You friend will be as scared as you! Under this type of emergency - age, sex, race, religion does not matter ! All also scared !

4. Do NOT call your friend:
If you suspect there's ghost in your home, please do not invite your friends to your house to verify. No one will come and you will probably lose your friends. Worst still, your friend may report you to Tanjong Rambutan that you go KooKoo already ! The best solution here is move house la !

5. Do NOT abandon your friend
This is very important especially if you are together with Lin Peh ! LOL!

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Where to Find Ghost in Malaysia ?

Georgetown - The Deadly Junction (Bomoh Kuai - Bomoh Ghost)

It is a T-Junction, located beside the Union High School, It Was said that if you ever drive across it late at night, your car will go out of control, & crash because there were many accidents happened there. some said that there is a tiny unknown tree which looks like a lady carrying a child beside the road, they saw her figure & a child screaming, some old folks said she was once a "bomoh"(witch) & she kidnapped her sister's son,somehow they never appear after being seen beside this "DEADLY JUNCTION".

Perak - Ipoh - Tambun (Ah Por Kuai - Granny Ghost)
Sighting of an old lady on the roadside while driving.

Malay College of Kuala Kangsar (Yat Pun Kuai - Japanese Ghost)

Said to be a former site of a Japanese occupation camp during WW2. Students sometimes awakened by something that stares down directly at them. A marching platoon can be heard in the field. The sounds of chains. A tree on campus which is right beside a lamppost where the light shines down on it. The shadow produced is that of a man hanging from the tree. This may be urban legend. A few though were conveniently historically 'situated' as they were old colonial admin buildings that were used by the Japanese during the Occupation in the 1940s where 'executions' would take place. Some of these buildings were the Victoria Institution (school), the Bukit Bintang Girls School (now demolished)

Kuala Lumpur - Bukit Tunku (Fei Cheh Kuai - Fly Car Ghost)

A spooky place to be. Bukit (Hill) Tunku is actually one of the more elite Residential areas in Kuala Lumpur. This place has many big and tall trees, and has this eerie feeling about it even at broad daylight and of course at night. It is said that a few years ago two youth embarked on a high speed motorcycle chase around the curvy roads of the area. One of the youth crashed at a dark stretch of the road, which is actually a very sharp corner. There have been claims about sightings of a young man riding a motorcycle at high speed, who mysteriously vanished in the dark.

Kuala Lumpur - Cheras - Poliklinik Cheras (Peng Kuai -Sick Ghost)

Used to be a government hospital but it is being abandoned with no reason, been to the place before seems haunted and bizarre, rumors heard that there are still some dead patient that is loitering around the area.

Genting Highlands Resort (Dou Kuai -Gambling Ghost)

A famous hill-top resort and casino. Many people incurred gambling debts and committed suicide here. Some visitors leaving the hotel lobby reported seeing a man in red jump from the rooftop, just to disappear before he hits the ground. Certain rooms are not available for rent no matter how full the hotel was those who have seen the inside reported that it was filled with old Chinese ghost wards. They would subsequently fall sick for days afterwards.

Kuala Lumpur - Highland Towers (Condo Kuai - Condominium Ghost)

A tragic event that will forever live in the memory of Malaysians. One of the 3 blocks of apartment at this place fell apart due to landslide and heavy downpour prior to that fateful day. And Highland Towers have become famous for claims of being a very haunted place. Voices of the dead can be heard at night and ghostly figures are said to have appeared at the scene. There are also a story about a taxi driver who picked up a woman passenger at the middle of the night and being asked to drop her at the place. She left a bag and the poor taxi driver found it to be full of blood!

Kuala Lumpur - Pudu Prison (Lan Chai Kuai - Gangster Ghost)

Old prison that was abandoned after the area around it became commercialized. Reports of a strange thin Indian man walking the prison hallways and disappearing around the corner. Screams can be heard from the room where hangings take place. Certain areas such as specific cells and holding chambers were far colder than others. There were of course many in-prison acts of violence that led to deaths of inmates. Many drug addicts were known to be victims of violent criminals and so they were moved out into another prison elsewhere.

Kuala Lumpur - Victoria Institution (Hong Mou Kuai - Red Hair Ghost)

A very famous landmark in Kuala Lumpur, V.I. a boys school was a Japanese base during the occupation of Malaysia. Many British soldiers and locals were brutally tortured to death in the basement and some of the older buildings on the campus. It is said that not only are apparitions common in the day as well as the night, there have been many cases of spirits possessing students. The possessed boys would behave strangely, even violently, harming other students and teachers only to snap out
of it a few hours later and remember nothing, even when they were forcibl restrained, their bruises would disappear when they returned to normal.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Love Thy Country !

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

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