Tok 3 Tok 4

Friday, September 21, 2007

Space Mission 103: Pre-Departure Preparation


The time almost here. The first astronaut of Malaysia will be leaving for outer space soon. Too bad most of you don't get to know the detail of space program because The Malaysia International Aerospace Adventure 2007 (MIA 2007) exhibition has really gone MIA!

Today Lin Peh will continue the Space Mission Mini Series by toking about "Space Mission 103: Pre-Departure Preparation"

In this episode 103, Lin Peh will show you the checklist that our Boleh Astronaut has to go through before the departure date:

1. Make sure to check the signal lights, break light, side mirror, rear mirror and the reverse light of the space ship all in working condition.

2. Make sure to bring a few extra Jalur Gemilang just in case got Terengganu kids on the same flight.

3. Practise your roti canai flipping skill! You may be asked to do that in space!

4. Bring along your sambal balachan because the space food sucks!

5. Make sure your passport is valid for at least six months beyond your date of departure.

6. Make sure to load the entire 'Apollo 13' soundtrack in your iPod.

7. Remember to call the Russian Space Agency and reconfirm your ticket at least 24 hours before departure time. Make sure all "payments" have been settled!

8. Make sure you bring along the updated atlas of the universe which shows thats Pluto is no longer part of our solar system.

9. Remember to bring some monkeys from home because it is legal to export them !

10. Check your Mykad on the status of your religion to ensure no confusion when you come home.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Hokkien MTV for Non Hokkien Peeple

Lin Peh's favourite song of all time is a Hokkien Song by the name of JIPABAN(One Million) because the song really got meaning and got pahwer!

Today Lin Peh is very the happy because can finally share this song with all the non hokkien peeple by using the following MTV!

Here it goes....ENJOY:

Friday, September 14, 2007

Lin Peh Tok Budget

Since the budget announcement by the gaoment one week ago, many peeples been complaining about this that and so and forth. For those of you blur fuck who don't really know how it works. Let Lin Peh summarize for you.

The is Gaoment Version:

1. Income:


The above figures a bit blur blur wan

Since the figure above blur a bit, Lin Peh summarize a bit for you. Basically, the table say next year gaoment will make money like this:

Total Direct Tax (Corporate tax, Petroleum Tax, Corporate Tax)
RM74.915 billion

Indirect Tax (excise duty, sales tax, service tax)
RM27.080 billion

Non Tax Revenue (Dividends from Petronas, licenses, permits)
RM45.098 billion

Total Revenue: RM147.093 billion

2. Total Expenditures: RM176.9 billion
(This figure is provided by the gaoment, published everywhere already so no dispute please)

3. Conclusion:
The gaoment will be spending RM29.807 billion MORE THAN its income i.e. budget deficit!

Lin Peh's Budget
Now, let's look at the figures in the picture below which were also provided by the gaoment, but different dept from the one above:


Based on the figures above, the gaoment paid a total of
RM 16,665.94 (RM10,700 + RM5,741 + RM224.94)

for goods with the market value of:
RM507 (RM417 + RM50 + RM40).

Which means an "inflation" of 32.87 times.

This is Lin Peh's Version

1. Don't be so greedy la.
Let's inflate the expenses by 2 times enough la. Like that those peeple involve with the inflation still untong 2 times, still won't die of hunger. By inflating the "actual" expenses based on 2 times, the expenses will be

RM10.77 billion. (176.9/32.87 X 2)

2. Abolish Direct and Indirect Tax!
That means gaoment income will only from Non Tax Revenue of RM45.098 billion.
After spending the RM10.77 billion, still got balance of RM34.328 billion balance.

3. Distribute the Balance.
Divide the RM34.328 billion equally to the 30 million population(including the 5 million illegal foreign workers) which means each person (old, young, baby included) will get RM1,144.27.!

No more tax somemore got money back from the gaoment. Happy not? This is the real people friendly and caring budget la! You think can call for erection anytime ?


Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Hai School Musical


Recently, Lin Peh got read on the newspaper that the actress from High School Musical - Vanessa Anne Hudgens - Got showed nen nen on some pictures. So, as part of Lin Peh Community Service Projeck For The Deprived Mah Latt Lor, Lin Peh went and search and found this:


Aiya...that one Lin Peh sure you have seen and didn't show much nen nen also. Nevermind la. So, Lin Peh did more searching and found these:

Now, this is Hai School Musical! Not bad huh ? ;-)

Thursday, September 06, 2007

iBitch on Demand

The Majlis Perbandaran Selayang is having a Dog Catching contest and the winner will be rewarded with cash:



As a very responsibile corporate citizen that always sappot the gaoment (town council is also like gaoment like that), OLIN has just launched its iBitch On Demand specially for this dog catching contest.

With iBitch On Demand, you can loan the iBitch at a norminal fees and use them as bait to bait your target during the contest:



Lin Peh sure your "harvest" will be damn good with iBitch On Demand.

Terms and condition as follows:

1. Please clean the iBitch with bleach and dettol and rinse them for at least 10 times before returning them. Any uncleaned iBitch will be considered SOLD and you will be charge Double the suggested retail price.

2. The iBitch can only be use to bait the dog and NOT the organiser of the event. OLIN reserves the right to perform DNA test on the suspected user if we suspect that the iBitch has been used by anyone else other than the Dog.

A Community Projeck by

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Merdeka Fireworks


During the Merdeka holiday, Lin Peh's childhood friend Apu suddenly called Lin Peh ask want to watch the free fireworks at Putrajaya or not?

At first Lin Peh didn't really feel like it but Apu said must go because long time we no celebrate the merdeka together liao. Last time during Merdeka time, our school got represent dunno what fuck and everyone go standing under hot sun for few days (teacher said it's call rehersal) and watch those chics from the Girls school and on the Merdeka day itself we will walk around like those communist military like that (teacher said it's call parade). Lin Peh still remember our class at that time represented by Malayu, Chinese, Bangkali and Indian so when we parade time it's like a big MACHIBAI marching! HAHAHA! Then I guess the gaoment realize the MACHIBAI sounds quite vulgar thats why they separate the marching to UMNO, MCA, MIC, Dan lain lain lagi ! Smart also huh ?

Anyway, Apu said not only got fireworks but he was also told that the gaoment also got send some gaoment DJ there to play the loud loud music like Hardcock Cafe like that. I said like that must go because sure got many horny chics wearing short short skirt and tight tight tops so Lin Peh can merdeka together with those hot chics. So I said ok and we meet at the mamak stall near his house there.

When Lin Peh arrive at the mamakstall about 5pm liddat, Apu already there drinking his teh tarik. I asked him so early go there for fuck meh because fireworks don't start so early wan; even during chinese new year also we waited until midnight only we burn the fire crackers. Apu said this one different because they got license to burn the fireworks so they can do it earlier, anyway, he said better go early because he expect many peeples will be there like Thaipusam like that, sure damn jam one.

The last time when Lin Peh go Putrajaya was to fetch a China Piaomei to go to the immigration office there to renew her Visa, Lin Peh still remember the place all the bulding big big, garden big big but no fucking place for parking wan! But that was long time ago already so I hope the place not so fucking condemn anymore.

Anyway, the gaoment actually got issue the notice tell peeple to take public transportation there but Apu said he searched everywhere also dunno what the gaoment means by public transport to Putrajaya. STAR LRT no go there, Putra LRT no go there, Monorail no go there, Metrobus also no go there and Taxi want to charge RM500 just to go, Public lanjiao la !

So, we decided to drive there and see how la. Anyway, the drive was quite smooth because it's merdeka holiday and everyone so patriotik so stay home and watch PM, DPM and all the other M sing karaoke and wave flag on TV. By 630 like that, we already reach the exit to Putrajaya. Then, the car all stop..FUCKING JAM! So Jam like the entire highway has been transformed into a huge parking lot like that. Then, we saw some traffic police directing the "unmove" traffic. Wa lao eh, their face all damn condemn like 3 weeks constipate cannot shit like that. Actually, can't blame them also la because usually they one day see few cars at Putrajay but tonight KNN see so many cars and somemore the cars all cannot move one. Stand there ngong ngong, no kopi to drink, how to smile ?

Finally about 8pm liddat, we found the designated parking area for rakyat who are non VIP and walk there. KNN, I eat until so big, this is Lin Peh first time walking on the high way of Putrajaya with so many patriotik Malaysians who likes to watch free show. If we all together walk slow motion like that, it actually look like the scene from the Kevin Costner's "Untouchables" like that. Anyway, Lin Peh wonder who the fucker design the Putrajaya wan, along the road there got nothing, no shop, no house, no toilet, just grass. Want to make circus at least must put some clown, blow ballon and sell pop corn la! Tiu !

KNNCCB the walk is actually really damn far, somemore got drizzling like that. Lin Peh walk until underwear also wet. Then I asked Apu where are we walking to. He said to the place of the fireworks la. I said fuck la the fireworks they shoot so damn high even Serdang there can see we no need to walk there to see wan la. Anyway, walking is like part of Apu's culture like that, his father mother last time all build the road for JKR wan. He always brag to Lin Peh that his father mother built Jalan Tun Razak, Jalan Tuanku Abdul Rahman, Jalan Tun Ismail, Jalan Raja Laut etc but Lin Peh wonder why instead of having a Jalan Apu we only have Apu Jalan now! HAHAH! Anyway, he so used to walk and climb steps at Batu Cave, so walking is like drinking water only. Since everyone walk, we also follow and walk la. If not sekali they got free gift at the entrance there we will miss all that.

When we walk on the road, we realize how patriotik the Malaysian are. Cause so many peeples actually bring the flags along to go watch fireworks. Of course many of them also use the flag to multitasking and cover their head (just for info, use flags to cover head is allowed by law) when it was drizzling. I asked Apu why he no bring flag to cover head, he said the free flags sponsored by the Barison National at his area all sapu by the UMNO machai so he did not get any.


At 10pm like that, the fireworks finally started and you can hear all the patriotik Malaysians all ooh and ahh together! At that moment, you can see that everyone has forgotten their differences and united under one objective which is to enjoy free show provided by the gaoment! Anyway, standing near Lin Peh was this stupid Ah Lian who try to take pictures of the fireworks with her cheap handphone camera and then complain to her Ah Beng why the photos all come out black black one! If not for her big size Ah Beng, Lin Peh would have offer her my CANON SLR ! Damn long and big big and can do fireworks also wan ! HAHAHAH! Anyway, everyone there was really enjoying the fireworks because the boom-boom all damn pahwer ! Some can even make pattern pattern one. Wonder they can do one special Boom for Lin Peh's Olin product.

Anyway, after 20 minutes like that, the fireworks finished. The sky no longer bright bright but covered with smoke; the peeples no more ooh and ahh together instead everyone speaking their own language; but no matter what our background is, all of us share the same mission which is to get out of Putrajaya as soon as possible.

As we were walking back to our car, Apu suddenly asked me "You think they will have this for Deepavali?"