Tok 3 Tok 4

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

The Great Bloggers' Meet

King's wife is trying to organise a bloggers' meet because she is very wonder how the other bloggers actually looks like. According to her blog, Is It Gere or Pitt, she is hoping that Lin Peh look like this angmore actor Richard Gere and the Ah Pek blogger looks like Brad Pitt. I don't know about Ah Pek but Lin Peh sure look like the picture in profile. Only difference is real life lagi more cool !Anyway, if King's wife want to make the blogger meet sucessful wan, Lin Peh actually can contribute some ideas because Lin Peh got this very crass idea about organising event:

Theme: The Great Blooger's Meet 2005
Venue: 5-star hotel
Time: Dinner Time

Organising Committee:
Chair Woman: King's wife
Entertainment: 5XMom and her Yeh Sou Choir
Multimedia: Kang Xian
Food: Jason (since he can wack 5 popiah)
Registration Counter: Samm (pregnant already, so she can be sitting most of time)
Security: Ah Pek
Committee Members: Zara's Mama, Seng Kor, Desmond Wong
If there is anyone else who wants to volunteer, please let me or any of the committee knows.

1. Predinner:
Got the soft soft classical music playing in background. Put CD enough la. Live wan veli expensive unless got sponsorship.

2. Arrival of Guests:
All male guests must wear the coat with bow-tie wan. Female must wear sexy sexy bare here bare there and show longkang wan.

3. Arrival of VIP:
VIP (at least minister level or awtar awtar also must got Lato wan). When arrive, must accompanied by King's wife (Organising Chair Woman) and the rest of the committee. Walk in time must a bit slow motion like the Chow Yuen Fatt movie and everyone must stand up and clap kuat kuat.

4. Negaraku:
Because got Minister VIP, so all must stand up and sing Negaraku before the real program start. Make sure we have the correct version and don't sing out of tune. Nowadays, if Negaraku sing bengkok a bit oso police can catch.

5. MC Introduction:
Helen will be a good person as MC because her Engrish quite good and she can wear the low-low cut on top, high-high cut on bottom and act the hiao hiao somemore. MC no hiao, who want to see? RIGHT ?

6. Welcome Speech by King's wife:
Her speech must por the lanpah of the VIP, must be serious topic and if want to include a few jokes, the jokes must be clean clean one. Cannot tell the type of Lanjiao Chi-Bye KNNBCCB joke.

7. Multimedia Presentation:
Kang Xian must prepare a multimedia presentation that por the gaoment lanpar. Make sure the show must feature MSC, KLCC, The VIP standing beside PM and DPM, King's wife adn the commiittee all smiling smiling smiling and the slide must be able to fly here fly there wan.

8. VIP Tok Cock
No matter what cock and bull the VIP tok, all must clap kuat kuat. When he tok the joke, funny no funny also all must laugh. (here, we need people like Seng Kor and Desmond Wong to start the laugh when there is a joke because they good in listening to others, otherwise when VIP tok joke and no one laugh VIP say we blogger no humour.)

9. Presentation of Flowers to VIP
King's wife must go up stage after VIP tok cock and Zara's Mama (dress sexy sexy also) will bring out one bunch of flowers pass to King's wife and King's wife will pass it to the VIP and thank him for his wonderful speech. We can expect the VIP to at least shake hand with King's wife but if he is humsap a bit and want to kiss, King's wife can only let him kiss on cheek only no matter how much she like him. Not very nice to do wet wet kiss on stage with VIP cause it will drop the crass of our function.)

10. Performance by 5XMom and her Yeh Sou Choir
This will be the highlight of the nite, just like orgasm like dat. Songs selection all crass crass wan like Frankie Sinata, Celine Dion, P.Ramlee, but must also include por lan pah song like "Jalur Gemilang" and "Malaysia Berjaya". Sometimes during this part of the program, 5XMom must remember to invite the VIP and King's wife to sing together with the Yeh Sou Choir and Ah Pek must go around make sure everyone must clap kuat kuat and cannot go toilet when they sing.

11. Dance (Optional)
If the committee decides to make it more fun, dancing can be included at the end of the night but only can do the crass crass dance like Walz, Tango, Cha cha but please NO DISCO, NO TEKNO, NO DIRTY DANCING and NO FENG-TAO PILL allowed.

So, apa macam ? Can pakai ah ?

Friday, November 25, 2005

Malaysia Police is like Gangster !

I was trying to read the newspaper today and everywhere I turn, got this naked China woman doing ear squats news. Fuck lah. All the English Chinese Malay Indian paper also got this fucking news.

Then I read the internet also got many people write in their blogs about this case.

Here are some of the Headlines:

Bernama: Don't Cover-up Facts In Nude Woman Probe, Police Told (Lin Peh: I nearly fall off my chair when I read this cause I read it wrongly as "Don't cover up the Nude Woman". Anyway, the police sure won't cover the gal wan..or else how to see her nude? But the police woman will cover everything including using the tudong to cover her hair !)

New Straits Times: Naked anger over lockup abuse (Lin Peh: Sure la anger...naked and kena pull ear lagi, but will anger itself solve the problem?)

The Star: PM: It's shameful (Lin Peh: Yeah shameful but what are you going to do with it ? Please something are our tai-kor you know? If this happen in the gang, sure the tai-kor wallop the police involved until vomit blood and shit and father mother also cannot recognise wan la. Please la......)

The Sun: Caught in the act (Lin Peh: Wei...this one not act la. Act can win Oscar wan...this one real one play play!)

星洲: 脫光衣查案損國譽 納吉:警方須採行動挽民心 (Sin Chew: Naked woman case make our country name condemn, Najib asked police do something to win back people's heart) (Lin Peh: are assistant Tai-kor la. Don't just point here point there...DO SOMETHING LA!)

中國報: 副警總長:齋戒月期間拍攝 她是靈區警局女警 (China Press: Deputy IGP: Recorded during Bulan Ramadhan, She is Police Woman from PJ) (Lin Peh: OK...Identified...Deputy IGP already know who she is ! But nothing mention about what they going to do to her. About when the incident took place....Lin Peh better no make comment.)

南洋商报: MMS脱衣录像片段 证实在灵警察总部摄录 (Nanyang Press: Naked woman MMS confirmed recorded at PJ Police HQ) (Lin Peh: Pretty much same as what reported in China Press.....soli la...both Nanyang and China owned by same taokeh)

Utusan: PM berang, kecewa -- `Jangan sembunyi fakta siasat wanita warga China dipaksa bogel' (Lin Peh: What fact is there to hide ? All recorded...very clear...face can see, neh neh also can see...the face behind the tudong also can see....JUST TAKE ACTION!)

Berita Harian: Memalukan polis: PM Arah siasatan rapi kes tahanan wanita dibogel dalam lokap (Lin Peh: See comment above on Utusan)

Conclusion: Chi-bye leh ! Seems like everyone also say things like Regret la, Shameful la, Investigate la, point here point there la; but no one is willing to come out and claim responsible. All fucking no balls wan. If Malaysia police want to act like gangster, must dare to face the gangster type of punishment also la, Right ?!! Standing in front of the camera with face clear clear somemore need to hide meh ? Anyway, I better stop here before the policce come catch me and make me squat in naked also ! hahahahahahaha!!!!

Monday, November 21, 2005

Lin Peh Hit Jackpot !

Lin Peh left a comment at Helen's blog yesterday when she wrote about "Bird Watching & Bird Judging". I think there must be something in the comment that make her so siok (maybe wet wet also..LOL) until she decided to blog about me today.

She got a blog with the title 10 Ways to Identify The Straying Husband which was about the comment I left for her yesterday. The blog somemore got pictures one. Initially, I thought she got my humsap pics but after closer look, I was relieve cause the pics not humsap and not me ! Anyway, I want to thank her for blogging about me even tho I dunno what her real intention is.

Thank you Helen ! You have now taken over King's wife as my favourite Si-Lai !

Friday, November 18, 2005

Last Night Go Karaoke Dinner Show

Last night, Ah Huat invited me to go for a Karaoke dinner show because he bought one table as charitable contribution. So, we decided to car pool there and we got Ah Seng to drive us there in his Kancil (save petrol mah).

Anyway, the place is located at a chinese kampong outside KL and it took us almost 2 fucking hours to get there (of course 1+ hour was the jam in KL la). When we got there, many cars already there until the car park (the next padang) all full house. We round and round many times baru find a small small place enough for the Kancil. But still, we park until quite far away. The place we park is next to some grass land and some big old trees and no street light one.

As we were walking towards the dinner place, we can hear the music already. They were playing the song "Ai Pia Jia Eh Ya" (Must fight baru can win). Seems like the kampong people also very motivated by this type of song ! The event was held at a padang and wah !!!! got about 100 tables la. This chinese community all damn terror when organise charity dinner and get people to come for gathering ! No wonder UMNO still need MCA after all these years !

When we reached there, Alex, Ah Kow and his friends already there. I think they are from the Kampong wan that's why can be there so early. So I sit at my table with Ah Huat, Ah Seng, Ah Kow, Ah Kow's friends (all face rough rough wan..I think they all work as Tai Yi Loong wan), and Alex (the only one in our table who claim ex galfriend is Ang Mor Chic). But our table is at quite the back one because Ah Huat said the front table for the VIP people. Each table cost RM5,000 wan. Chi-bye man, these people really economy so good meh ? RM5k in KL also can go shanga-gila and eat lor ! But I think for charity, the kampong people heart also very good.

The food served is quite the standard Chinese 8 course dinner, got 4 seasons, fish, prawn, sharkfins soup (actually...really soup only), vege..etc etc. But we have to waited quite long before they serve first dish because have to wait for the VVIP (KNN...nowadays got VVIP that is bigger than VIP, what's next ? VVVVVVVIP?) to arrive baru can start the dinner.

When the VVIP arrived, the dinner also served and the karaoke contest also start. All same time. Damn good coordination la. Must be very experienced already !

They were total of 20 contestants and everyone also one got own style. Got Ah Lian style who sing Twins, Yung Joey; Ah Beng style who sing Andy Low; Ah Pek style who sing Yi Tian, Fei Yi Qing; Auntie style who sing Pai Kuang, Chao Xuan. Hokkien Ah Pek style who sing Ai Pia Jia Eh Ya. But I wait whole night also no one sing Jay Chow wan. I asked Alex why no Jay Chow style and his answer was this kampong people don't consider Jay Chow style as singing so the contesttant will be disqualified if go up stage and mumble mumble ! I think Alex is true also. But no matter what style they sing, we all can tell the contestants all take the contest very seriously. Because the costume all shining shining wan ! Got one Ah Pek who sing the "Yo Le di...Yo Le Di..." song somemore wear Cowboy costume! See until my eyes nearly pop up ! Anyway, the young chic who sings the Twins song wear the short short skirt until like no wear anything like dat make my table people all stop eating and no talking also! Never know at kampong also got this type of quality chic!

Just like the Malaysian Idle show, they also got 3 judges. But even tho the judges don't look so professional but at least they are nicer people. They don't simply condemn people until no give face like dat. I think they also scare if they simply condemn because Ah Kow's friends in my table will probably shout "Wei...Kan Ni Nao Bu Eh...Ho Bin Tam Bo Eh Sai Bo ? Lu Ah Ni Pan Lai Lu Jiu La! (meaning: FXXk your mother la. Can give face a bit or not ? If you so good, u sing la)!

While waiting for the results, got lucky draw somemore. Prizes got Bicycle, Big Big Hamper, Electric Kettle, Electric Fan...all nice nice and got tie ribbon somemore one ! The luck was not with us cause we keep missing the number by one digit until I so panic that Ah Kow's friends may throw bottle at the VVIP who made the draw. But everything was under control when Ah Seng proposed that we start a side betting to see which one will come out as Champion. My pick same as Ah Huat, we chose the young chic with short short skirt because 2 of the 3 judges are men and which man don't like short short skirt lady ? Right ?(the sawarak one who married another man not counted). Ah Seng chose the cowboy because he thinks best costume, Alex chose the one and only one who sang Ang Mor song "One way Ticket" and the entire Ah Kow Gang chose one matured lady who sing Pai Kuang Oldies because they think she has the MILF look and the judges will fall for it.

When they announce results, Ah Kow Gang was correct, the MILF matured lady got first prize ! Best costume was won by Cowboy and my short skirt one only got consolation prize. So, Ah Kow gang very happy because they won the bet. Then....I realized the judges wives were sitting at the dinner table also, chi-bye wonder they dare not let the short skirt one win la. Want to die meh ?

Anyway, the event was succesfully organised and I can see many people very happy at the end. Get to eat, get to watch show, eat to win lucky draw, get to see short short skirt. Who not happy, right ? But the most important thing is that the entire kampong has raised almost RM50K for the Charity ! It may be a bit kampong with their style of doing things but they are all good heart !

Good people ! Good Heart ! May God Blessed Them ! A-Mi-To-Fou !

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Let's Play: Boobs-Butt-or-Shoulder

The game is simple. You will be shown a portion of the picture. The rest will be hidden. Based on that cropped image, you must decide if it is boobs, a butt, or a shoulder. There are 30 questions, with some unrelated questions thrown in for fun.

Let's PLAY

Chi-Bye...Teacher work saturday or not ?

When gaoment said 5-day week for civil servant, all the teachers very happy because maybe that means no more working on saturday. Then all the many MPs, Dong Zhong, gaoment people and parents say "no lah please no saturday holiday for teachers because if they holiday on saturday, my kids will grow up scoring not so many A in exam". That made all teachers very tulan. The teachers Unions start fuck the gaoment also because they think not fair that they don't get cheebye saturday as holiday!!!

So, yesterday the education ministry held meeting with the 14 teachers unions to sort out the issues. When I read the news, my first reaction was tiu nia sing!Why teachers so free wan ah ? Form so many unions for fuck meh? If they operate like Barisan Nasional by having one major race support one union also got 3+1 only mah, unless they got union for each individual subject taught in school. On second thought, maybe teachers are right because when they got 14 unions, they can send more people into the meeting. In case need to fight during the meeting, they can outscore the ministry 14-1! Can wallop them kao kao !

Anyway, they all seems very happy after the meeting because they said they have agreed with the solution. According to today paper, the solutions are:

1. TEACHERS will not be forced to work on Saturdays. A flexible system to encourage them to do so will be formulated; (Encourage ? encourage my foot give more pay, they come back la. Teachers also need $$ to go kalaoke wan ma)

2. THOSE who have urgent family or personal matters can opt out after informing their heads; (Which dickhead will determine whether their matters are urgent or not ? That means they cannot opt out if the dickhead say the matters not urgent?)

3. THEY will be notified early if they are needed to come back on Saturdays; (How early is early ? call them at 3am when they having fun with their boyfriend/galfriend? LOL)

4. AS a rule, they should not be asked to come back on all Saturdays of the month; (What lan jiao rule is that ? What does it mean ? Bluuur la !)

5. THOSE who volunteer to come back will be given special consideration for educational courses, motivational programmes and promotion; (Here is the catch !Promotion if you come back can also means if you no come back you will be fucked off when it comes to promotion! Right ?)

6. THE “volunteers” will also be accorded special protection in the form of insurance and welfare schemes. (That means non-volunteers when go back school on saturday and kena beat up by those student gangsters no insurance wan la? Fucking scary wor!!)

So,what's the conclusion here ? Can gaoment just go straight to the point and tell us whether next year saturday got school or no school ? No need go round and round until Lin Peh so fucking bluuuur liao!

So far, I think the solution after the brainstorming meeting is still Lan pah pah lan !

Friday, November 11, 2005

Lin Peh Read News

Many time when go Kopi shop in morning, we can hear many loud mouth fuckers who comment about the news like they damn know a lot. But usually, all those comments cannot be recorded and cannot be remembered wan; by the time the kopi habis...everyone just sapu the backside and all said will be forgotten..and that's the rule ! If you ever tell them what they are saying today is contradicting with what they said last week, fuckers will wallop you la ! Anyway, since Lin Peh so hi-tech until got own blog, Lin Peh will record my comments here and see whether the comments will still stand in few weeks or months. Here are the latest local news and Lin Peh's comments:

Malaysia's Industrial Production Index up
Lin Peh: I told u what....Malaysia Boleh wan! What Lan Jiao also can up...I am sure it's so up until the most up in the world wan ! But too bad Share Market and the men Lan Jiao in Malaysia not very up...that's why rank so low in love making index.

Parents confused over new directive from Education Ministry
Lin Peh: This one not qualify as news la. If one day the Ministry can issue not confuse punya directive...baru can consider news!

PM slams blasts in Jordan
Lin Peh: This one also not qualify as news la. Tak akan PM no slam the terrorists right ?

Azahari confirmed to have been killed in Malang shoot-out
Lin Peh: Wah! less terrorist means world peace kah ? or...his ma-chai going to bomb more places as revenge ?

Mozambique wants Malaysia’s help to set up e-government
Lin Peh: Come ask Lin Peh go help la ! By the way, where's Mozambique ? I used my spy software also cannot find la !

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Where do u Tiu ?

This picture no need me to explain wan la !

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Zng My Car

One of the funniest thing Lin Peh ever heard on internet. If you miss this, you die also eyes cannot close la.

Please get the Zng My Car file from HERE

Sunday, November 06, 2005

See you in HELL !

While Lin Peh is still waiting for my kakis to come back from Hatyai in one piece, I took a "sin" test just now. The chi-bye result says there is 80% chance that Lin Peh will go hell and that Lin Peh will die while screwing a whore ! Here's detail of my test:

Your Deadly Sins

Envy: 60%

Lust: 90%

Pride: 80%

Sloth: 40%

Wrath: 40%

Gluttony: 20%

Greed: 20%

Chance You'll Go to Hell: 80%

You will die while screwing a whore.

Please take your test at
How Sinful Are You?

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Be Cafeful...Lin Peh spying u !

Hari raya damn sian cause all my leng looi friends all back to their kampong. Even my tok 3 tok 4 kakis Ah Seng and Ah Huat also gone Hatyai to charge battery already. So, Lin Peh damn sian sitting home after eating Tu kah, I goyang lan pah la. Then I tell myself it's time to update my humsap big neh neh photos collection so I go online and started serching for update. But seems like Lin Peh's database is bigger and better than most of the site la....nothing really new. Then suddenly...(got background music wan.....) I found this very solid software !

This software name so serious "earth google" so if you look at it you won't want download wan. You probably think it's only for the geogafi expert, scientist or those nerds with many chi-bye thick glasses and many abcd's behind their name one. But luck was with me this time (maybe because Deepa Raya) when I clicked the download button accidenly. Since already download, and I so sian at home...I tried ot lor. Suprisely, the software turn out to be very solid because u can see the world - the whole fucking world from satelite (can zoom in somemore)! I uploaded a sample of what KLCC from the satelite at 1,300+ feet. I also manage to fly here fly there and basically travel around the world. Damn Siok la !

Now...since I have this SPY software...Lin Peh is going to look for places like:

Nude beach (ang mor wan only cause neh neh bigger easier to see)
Hatyai (to see what Ah Seng and Ah Huat doing there....or...who they pick up)
China Town Stalls (to see which stalls selling the latest humsap DVD)
and YOU ! (if you let me know where you live...HAHAHA) be fair to all of you, I share share the software with you also la. You can download it from Google Earth

Download....enjoy ! But please no spying on me goyang my Lan Pah ! LOL!!!!