Tok 3 Tok 4

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Everybody will be so happy!

OK ! Confirmed already ! The gaoment is fucking the Rakyat for the second time in just a matter of months with a 12% increased in elektrik tariff ! KNNBCCP, seems like gaoment is learning very well from Lin Peh; got erection must fuck someone! Only difference is Lin Peh fuck during erection but gaoment fuck after erection over ! Diu Niama !

So you think tonight TV going to have the special announcement to teach peeple how to change lifestyle like the oil price inccreased time liddat ? Well..maybe not. Because during the oil price increased, gaoment ask peeple to take LRT instead of driving own car; but LRT use elektrik wan wor ! Don't tell me that the gaoment going to make all the LRT to run on charcoal like those choo choo train in the old cowboy movie! KNN!

Actually, Lin Peh got a few suggestions for the gaoment to counter the increased in the elektrik tariff so let's share the idea here:

1. Dismantle all the yellow bulbs on the Traffic lights
Since no one give a fuck about the yellow color on the traffic light, why bother ? Lin Peh sure gaoment will save a lot of elektrik if they just take off the yellow light bulbs. Moreover, the yellow light bulbs can be sold to those Restoran Tom Yam and use the money as oil subsidies. We will save all the elektrik and Everybody will be so happy!

2. Switch off the street lights in the city
Our city is so damn fucking jam even at middle of night! The lights from all the cars is sufficient to light up the entire city especially those chibye Ah Beng's car headlight got use the lanjiao bright bulp can shine 5km wan! so Lin Peh think the gaoment can just off all the streetlights! However, in the event when the street is cleared, just ask the traffic police to set up some road blocks and Lin Peh garanti the cars will pile up again ! By doing so, not only we save elektrik, we also can cut down the road accident cause no one can speed anymore. We will save all the elektrik and Everybody will be so happy!

3. Speed up the internet
Many computers in this country is turn on 24 hours per day because they are being used to download yamade movies. If the gaoment can increase the bandwidth of the internet, downloading will be much faster and computer need not be turn on all the time. We will save all the elektrik and Everybody will be so happy!

4. Cut short the Office Hour
Even tho most peeple in this country claims that they work 8 hours per day, but seriously, 99% work for the maximum of 3 hours only (the one 1% less than 3 hours)! The rest of the time is spent on downloading yamade movies, minum kopi, internet chatting or scatching the bosses balls in office! So, be real la ! Just cut the office hours so that everyone work 3 hours enough! We will save all the elektrik and Everybody will be so happy!

5. Send out more moral police and spy on peeple
Currently there are some fuckers who called themselves moral police in this country. What they basically do is to go around and spy on peeple and check whether the pattern they yamade is in accordance with the lanjiao chibye standard. If gaoment can just send out more of these moral police, Lin Peh sure all the peeple in this country will never turn on the lights at their home (office also for some peeple). We will save all the elektrik and Everybody will be so happy!

With the above measures, we will save all the elektrik and Everybody will be so happy!

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

24 May 2006

Sunday, May 14, 2006

What is in my Bag ?

This chibye silai,King's wife, wants to know what is inside the "Tai Yi Loong" (loan shark) bag that Lin Peh carry. Since she is such a fierce silai, Lin Peh really got no other way out but to reveal to the world what's inside the bag.

OK! First of all, "Tai Yi Loong" bag is NOT the official name of the bag. Lin Peh already checked with the Engrish sifu JKN and he told Lin Peh that the bag is call Waist Pouch! Just for your info, it's a Jiao-Jiao Air-Mani brand, and made of some dunno what lanjiao foreskin. Original listed price was Euro299 if you buy in Italy but Lin Peh bought it at RM19.90 from Jinjang Utara.

Unlike all the other silais who blaff the world by showing only selected items in their bags, Lin Peh is more honest ! OK...One Eye See All ! These are all the items in my waist pouch:

Clock wise from top left corner

  1. Glow in the dark type of whip. Use it when yamade with my piao mei. Try it ! Veli shiok wan! Lin Peh garanti you get multiple orgasms. You don't have to use the exact same type of whip that Lin Peh use. Something similar also can la. My friend Tan Sri Rojak told Lin Peh that he uses his belt and the result is just as good.

  2. Condoms. This one no need to explain cause the readers of Lin Peh blog probably "consume" 90% of the condoms in Malaysia. (Well....except...maybe... Ah May?)

  3. Penis ring. This is to wear at the lanjiao so dat the ring can block the cum from shooting and prolong the yamade activity. However please be very careful if you plan to wear one. Make sure you get the ring of correct size ! Don't try to be funny and wear the small small tight tight one unless you want the ring to squeeze your lanjiao so tight until your cum have to shoot from your nose! Worst still, if the ring is stuck to your lanjiao, you will not be able to pee for the rest of your life and your face will look like cocka.

  4. Indian God Oil. Just for info, the man with many hands at Jomel's Blog is NOT Indian God. Actually, the mask wearing pervert is Seng Kor who asked Lin Peh to buy the Indian God Oil on his behalf; that's why, Lin Peh has dat in the pouch now.

  5. Minyak Angin Cap Kapak. Minyak Angin is actually a must for safe sex. With the widespread of HIV, AIDS, STD, and all the ABC virus, regular yamade kakis such as 9393 and Boredfucker are practising double layer condoms for greater protection. However, Lin Peh is more safer then them cause Lin Peh rub the Minyak Angin in between the 2 layers ! Therefore, in the event of torn condom, either Lin Peh's lanjiao or the Piao Mei's chibye will feel the burnt from the Minyak Angin and we can stop the yamade immediately! Don't believe? Try it !

  6. Knife. Lin Peh have to carry this due to the nature of my job. I'm sure you all know that economy is not so good nowadays and collecting debt can be a big headache if Lin Peh do not use the proper tool.

OK. That's all. So, Auntie, please don't scold Lin Peh yeah ? ;-)

Monday, May 08, 2006

Official Results for the Song Dedication Contest

After some heated arguments, the panel of judges decided to have 2 winners for this contest. Each of them will get one ticket so they can go to watch this movie together!

This winners are:

1. Jomel, her entry:
I would like to redirect my dedication of this song to you Lin Peh kor kor.
Reason being:
1. You very humsap
2. You like to help people
3. When you help people, people think that you have ulterior motive, because you are very humsap.
4. Then you get angry and you will say TIU!
5. Then you left in a huff and puff and vow never to help people again, especially when they are playing balls.
6. Cos you don't want to risk losing your balls.

Ahem, can I have my tickets now? Pleeze?

2. Seng Kor, his entry:
ah linpeh, this songs contain few key words which i wanted to highlight: football, fat, helpful, river, not appreciated, molest, rescue, educated type, and careful

if i use all the key words above, i can only relate back all to u becos:

Linpeh likes to play football. Since he is old oredi, he gotta retire and play futsal instead. Because he is quite fat, his team mates say he is not very helpful in the game. So they ask him go tapau lunch in Sungai Wang foodcourt.

At the foodcourt, he saw one of his piao meis kena molest. Being a good guy, he tried to rescue her. But actuary, it's his piao mei's tactic to lure a potential educated type customer.

Now, linpeh needs to be more careful in helping people because his help is not always appreciated.

Tickets preaasee...

Tank Q veli much to all the contestants for making this a success and tank Q Uncle Cocka for sponsoring the contest. Next time sponsor more la !

Last but not least, to the rest of you who just watching the mudwrestling betwen Seng Kor and Jomel while masturbating, Tank Q oso la ! LOL!

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Lin Peh Salute Dennis Berkamp !

Lin Peh's favourite football player of all time, Dennis Berkamp, will be playing his very last Engrish Premier League match today before his official retirement. Tank Q Dennis for all the great football over the years and the money Lin Peh made on footbal betting! Lin Peh Tabet !

For those of your who wants to see Dennis in action, please download the football video clip by right click


Thursday, May 04, 2006

Contest ! Win Movie Tickets !

What is The Prize?

The winner for this contest will get 2 tickets to go watch:

Sponsored by:Cock-a-Doodle
Date: 24th May 2006
Time: 9pm
Venue: GSC 1 Utama

How To Win?

1. Listen to the following song:


2. Tell Lin Peh which blogger should the song be dedicated to and why.

3. The one with bestest answer will WIN!

4. You can make as many comments as you like !

5. Contest Closing: 12noon (according to Lin Peh mia Watch); 8th May 2006


Ok's the lyrics of the song in both Chinese & Engrish:

喂喂荷里活有间大酒店 (Hollywood got one big hotel)
有三个肥婆呀学踢波 (Got 3 fat women learning how to play football)
学踢波 你又踢 佢又踢 (Dis one kick, dat wan kick)
卒之就踢左落河 啊 (Finally kick the ball into the river)

你想执番个波 (You try to get back the ball)
我帮你执个波丫 (I help you get it back)
我标落去水双手揽住个波 (I jumped into the river and grab the ball)
fing上去水面等佢捉住个波 (Throw the ball back to her)
(But she droped into the river while trying to catch the ball)

我忙救佢命惊佢又压死我 (I try to rescue her but scare she squash me to death)
揾多两个肥婆合力去拖 (So I got 2 more fat women to help me pull her up)
好彩又救醒左 (Luckily manage to rescue her)
你地玩波 玩波 (You all play play with the ball)
应该要小心播 (Must be careful la)

唉,你咪救人啦, (Don't simply rescue peeple la)
我都知道就唔救佢架勒, (If I have known earlier, I won't rescue also)
所以我地广东人既俗语讲得好呀, (Dats why the cantonese saying is very true)
好心着雷劈,一D都冇错架. (Do good things will get struck by lightning)

呢! 就系好似果个肥婆咁, (Just like the fat woman liddat)
踢波,系河边踢, (Kick the ball beside the river)
跌左落河,系我救佢上黎姐, (Drop into the river and I rescued her)
都唔在话勒, 救人一命呀胜过七级浮屠, (Peeple say rescue peeple life is damn good deed)
救佢上黎重话我非礼佢, (But she said I molested her instead)
你知啦, 游水救人, (You know la, rescue peeple when swimming)
抆下撞下梗系有架啦嘛. (Sure got touch here and there wan)

佢支支呀佐, 佢真啰呀梳 (She made hell a lot of noises)
居然窒阿哥, 都只为执个波 (Got angry with me cause I grab her ball)
好彩我读过诗书不易发火 (Luckily I am the educated type and not easily angry)
否则我又再兜脚踢佢落河 (If not I sure turn around and kick her back into the river)
荷里活呢间大酒店 (Hollywood got one big hotel)
有个肥婆为左学踢波 (Got one fat woman learning how to play football)
争D命冇左 (Almost lost her life)
你地玩波 玩波 (You all play the ball)
应该要小心播 (Better be careful)

Good Luck !